ODD: Proliferation and Pragmatism
World Health Consortium/Quarterly Report
The present pandemic of ODD or Obsessive David Disorder, as the malady has come to be labeled, is one that is unique in the annals of medical science. There is currently no cure and though a vaccine is possible, it is highly unlikely that such a program could be implemented globally. The shrinking nature of our world today, with widespread internet and digital communication, ensures that the dissemination of any vaccine will not outpace the advance of ODD. Adding to the dilemma is mounting evidence obtained through random trials, that where the condition is known to exist, the sufferers unvaryingly prefer the resulting euphoria over any attempt to mitigate their symptoms. As stated, a vaccine is feasible, but would necessarily involve an alteration in the neural synapses of certain basic primal instincts, i.e., the libido and the emotions. The dangers of such an undertaking can not be overestimated. It is possible, indeed probable, that such measures, though efficacious, could render the subjects mere shells of their former selves. That this would be a less than optimum outcome is an enormous understatement.
The origin of the disorder is similarly problematic. Archuleta, the causative factor, is not a virus, though he has been known to mutate at the rate of one with successive tours. He is, despite speculation and ponderous studies by paranormal psychologists and theologists, a member of the species Homo sapiens. Extensive research to the contrary is neither empirical, conclusive, or even compelling in its claims that he is extraterrestrial or other than human in nature. Archuleta himself denies such allegations, but since he is the causative factor of the malady, his words are not scientifically credible.
This leads to a stalemate of sorts. We can not eliminate or even slow the progress of an evolved and evolving entity that by rational analysis is one of us. To do so is tantamount to impeding our own progress as a race. Moreover, it has become increasingly clear that we must despair of ever convincing those who have contracted ODD to accept any amelioration of their coveted symptoms. No fatalities have been reported, excepting one incidence during a performance of Don’t Let Go, which has since been disproved. There have been however, numerous documented cases of a brief loss of consciousness, or “Archustupor,” precipitated by a too close proximity to the person of Mr. Archuleta. Therein follows several days where speech skills are severely compromised and tears are common, but tests prove there are no long-term debilitating effects.
In the light of these seemingly insurmountable obstacles, the only solution may be radical – to do nothing at all. The growing consensus among the medical community is to simply let the disease or his-ease, as the case may be, run its course. Ironically, resistance is not only futile, it may even be counterproductive. Over time, ODD may prove to be the greatest enhancement to the overall health of mankind since the discovery of penicillin.
~ Angelica, MD, ODD specialist